Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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