That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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