Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize