i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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