Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
