oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
