You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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