i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
