Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
