how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
