I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
