Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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