At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
