Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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