You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
