I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
