Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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