I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
