she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
