alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
