Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
