Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
