Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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