I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
