You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
