My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
