First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
