Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
