but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
