You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
