he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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