just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize