My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
