I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
