it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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