I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
