i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize