Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Someone came in the potted fern
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
