She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
