she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
