It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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