That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize