i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh god it's open bar.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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