it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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