You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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