she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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