I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
