and you said cock pushups were impossible
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
