I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just pee around me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
