Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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