The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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