my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
