Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
