just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You ate ashes out of my bong
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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