ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
