I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
