$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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