he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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