Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
