Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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