i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hippo gnu deer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
