I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
