Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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