You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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