I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
