Christians are straight up FREAKS
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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