I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
soo... how was my night?
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