Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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