my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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