is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
