so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were trust falling into bushes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
