dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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