Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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