She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
