So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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