great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
