I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize