Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
