My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize