I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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