areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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