And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
