Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You need Xanax blowdarts
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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