Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize