im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the day after is always just damage control
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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