In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
