He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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