I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is Oprah even human
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
