I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
