3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
