smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
