No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
