Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
