Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
