i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
