She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
