Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize