If i come over, it means nothing
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
