UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
