You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
