I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
