i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
