somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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