I smell stomach acid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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